I don’t like partying. Don’t call me boring!

Humans are dynamic and yet too many limit themselves to the ways of the conforming world.

A truly interesting person is one who chooses her own vocation regardless of societal pressures.

“I'm staying in my room tonight to pack and read," I answered. "Whaaaaat?" chortled Walid my testosteroned cab driver. "You mean you’re not going out at night to party? You're so boring,” he said simply.

I was on a solo holiday in the beautiful city of San Francisco, a thousand miles away from my beautiful Malaysia in South East Asia. With a 13-hour difference and a head full of movie fantasies, my vacay was all about self-discovery. It was amazing. It also didn't seem that people from two different sides of the continent were very much different.

Would Walid be the first person to say that about me? Boring cause I don't like to party?  Not in the exact same way, but it’s often implied. Let's face it. We’re surrounded by people on a daily basis who sort of unknowingly make us feel bad for the choices we inherently veer too. It's why so many people don't take up their authentic selves and do things that are "Facebook-approved and friendly."

I have never enjoyed partying or clubbing. Yes I did the mandatory campus partying as a student very unvoluntarily. Very. For the party animal or the regular Friday-night extrovert, it’s hard to understand. But I’ve discovered, I’m not so unusual. There are plenty of people just like me.

Sometimes I almost feel the pressure when my friends ask me “So what’s happening on your Friday night?” Errrr nothing. I have friends who spend every weekend in a club, and that’s great for them. They try to make me come and convince me what a roaring time we all will have. "When you’re with me, you’ll have fun,” they say with great enthusiasm. I sketchily find excuses to get myself out of it. It doesn't matter how cool the event sounds or how sick the deejay is. It won't do anything for me.

And here's the thing, while I don't like partying and absolutely hate clubbing, I love music and dance. I know it's hard to reconcile but people like me do exist. We're all unique inconsistent combinations. I love Post Malone, Camila Cabello, Brian Puspos and I'm on music 24/7. I easily lose myself in my room and my car; just don't put me in a club.

What my extrovert and party friends fail to understand is that not everyone automatically derives pleasure partying, or being in big groups of unknown people. I’m sure partying is fun – the throbbing music, the heaving bodies, the possibility of explicit flirting (isn’t it that mainly?) and copious amounts of alcohol. Great, but just not for all of us.

I hang out with my best friend almost every Friday night. We go for a nice dinner, we go for a massage, we have a long late-night conversation, and I always go back extremely happy and fulfilled. And it’s something I look forward too all Friday. That’s my fun. Just because we don't party doesn't mean that we're not enjoying life.

"Partying is so fun," Walid told me. "What do you do for fun?" How could I answer now? I was pretty sure my answer would get another remark from him and I wasn't in the mood to be irritated in beautiful San Fran.

I would only be interesting to Walid if I loved dancing on tabletops, getting wasted and being a regular at my city’s hottest clubs. I would be boring otherwise if I loved writing, cleaning my room and visiting a childish café on weekends. Isn't it Walid's and the general perception? Like, these are considered the not-so-cool activities, the ones you say with commiseration. But those things give me great pleasure. Why must I like going out at night to be socially accepted as "having a life?" Are all people in a club having a better life than those of us at home? I mean no disrespect to the party animals, but I find partying excruciatingly boring. Just like how they would find my activities “mindblasting” to say the least. It’s fine. Problem is, it’s socially correct to like partying and not so to clean your room.

The world is judgemental. You’re only interesting if you do certain outlandish things. It’s like you have to travel, you have to skydive, you have to swim with the dolphins to be called interesting or exciting. The world favours extrovert qualities. Anything remotely inward is considered boring to some extent. When I use to go for overseas company outings, everyone was expected to drink and socialize at night. You couldn't stay in your room. Those of us who wanted to hang out in our hotel rooms after a long day of training were labelled “unsociable.” I dragged myself to sit in a lounge and make small talk. 'Twas painful to say the least.

“She’s an introvert,” is almost said with a negative connotation. “She doesn’t know how to socialize.” Yes, introverts are to a large extent like that. But why don’t you say “Wow, she’s so thoughtful, wow she has the wisdom, wow, she was a really good listener?” Being an introvert is not a negative thing. We’re also more reflective and sensitive. And just because we don’t like excessive stimuli, doesn’t mean we’re boring. We also have high tolerance for less-stimulating things. With more attention, often comes more mastery.

So I don’t like partying, but hang on Walid. There are so many other things I do. Back in campus, I taught myself how to read palms and started a palmistry business in the girl’s dorm. I did get quite a number of clients and made some money from it. It was really fun and the girls started confiding in me and telling me their stories. I stopped because there was a Chinese superstition that you said your life gets affected by foretelling others.

I’m also braver than most of my extrovert friends in taking work opportunities. When I started my first job as a writer at 23, I started the beginnings of my publicity and writing business by the side and all through the years until today, I’ve been growing the business. It's something I'm really proud off.

I’ve traveled alone to Canada and US by myself and while this isn’t a big deal in the Western world, it’s an anomaly in Asian countries particularly for a girl. I’ve done so many other things in life – sneak off to Hong Kong with my twin without telling our parents when we were students, join a midnight dog rescue even though I was really scared and etc. I can public speak, I can defend a friend to no end, I can carry out interviews with most of business Malaysia. I've had many adventures and experiences - that do not involve the typical partying, drinking and drugs that seem to form the crux of what’s cool. And the thing is, there are plenty of introverted people out there far more interesting.

The point I’m trying to make is, a person is so much more than that partying facet. There’s a whole story behind us and the unique interests we have. You can understand my frustration when people immediately put me in a boring compartment when they hear my Friday and Saturday nights are tranquil and quiet. Why should that one activity take so much hold on deciding if a person is boring or interesting?

I would say I am 70% introvert and 30% extrovert. It doesn't mean I stick exclusively to introverted pursuits. I do challenge myself by doing uncomfortable things. I think trying new things is important in growth and personal development rather than being boxed up in our traits. But we have our core nature and our place on earth.

People need to respect that we all have different likes and preferences. There is no need to make one choice superior over the other, more popular than the other.

Let’s respect the choices of each other. And it’s not just partying. It’s any popular choice made today that gets more conventional social acceptance.

• If you want to party, go. But don't diss those of us who want to stay at home.

• If you want to be a brain surgeon, wonderful, but don't make the dancer feel lesser than you. He isn't.

• If you want to be a great financial success, go ahead, but don't make other people feel bad if they want a simpler life.

• If you want to get married and have children, go right ahead, but don't make those without a family feel like they are missing out.

• If you want to migrate, please go, but don't act like you're better than those who don't. Cause you aren’t.

What's important to you or makes you happy may not be the same with the other.

If you happen to do things on both ends of the spectrum, that's really great. But that doesn't mean others have too. Let us all lead our lives the way we were meant to be. We each have our unique path, and for some of us, it doesn’t involve murder on the dance floor. I'll root you on when you go, and hours later when you're done, we can hang out and have a great conversation while I clean my room.

Teehee

This article was written in 2015.