How I Found Myself Through Solo Travel

I experienced beautiful moments of clarity and joy when I solo traveled. The gravitas so blew me, that I do it every year now.

Two months ago, I clutched my giant suitcase stuffed with too many clothes and 5 pairs of shoes to embark on my Great American Escape. I had planned an itinerary that consisted of 6 days in Texas in the company of a friend and a solo circuit thereafter in beautiful San Francisco.

Flying 20 hours from the beautiful humid country of Malaysia to US, I was beside myself with excitement. Malaysians, having grown up on a diet of US culture through tv and movies are familiar with pretty much everything American – entertainment, speak, way of life, even politics. We’re huge consumers of American merchandise and are influenced to a certain extent in our everyday lives by American culture.

Everything I see in US has been touched by a memory from a tv screen, and has been an image dancing in my sub-conscious since childhood. It’s a surreal and magical feeling for me. As excited as I was, I was equally nervous about being alone in San Francisco. It’s not my first solo travel and neither was it my first trip to the US, but I was aware of the psychological emotions one goes through during a solo travel. Loneliness and gloom are common.

But getting friends to live it up with me to the US wasn’t easy; the high exchange rate being the commonly cited reason. Going alone wasn’t my immediate choice and I pondered for awhile on it. But my determination to visit US won out. “If the Martian can stay for years on Planet Mars, why can’t I just stay for a few days by myself in San Fran?” I said encouragingly to myself thinking of the movie being aired in theatres that time.

And so, with that slightly twisted frame of mind, I traipsed off to US. And boy am I glad I did it. Never did I expect to experience so profound a transformation during my time there. 2 weeks later when I returned, I was a different version of me, a significantly improved version.

I spend about 6 days having my mind blown in parts of Texas, seeing things so far-removed from my everyday reality. But great as it was, it could not compare to the magic I experienced alone in San Francisco.

It wasn’t so much that it was San Francisco, as it was me being alone and being in a place I had so much positive and magical association for.

So what happened in San Fran?

I spent 6 days there where I went through a whole range of emotions – joy, excitement, stress, worry, loneliness, peace. I think one has to undergo this gamut of emotions to truly get that break. Some people may wonder, “Only 6 days?” Yes only 6 days. And those very meaningful days were enough to give me a breakthrough.

Being somewhat of a scatterbrain, I would plan my days a night before, looking at pictures on Google that appealed to me or resonated with my childhood. I’m not a person who’s good with schedules and train lines so I stressed immensely at having to get myself around. I would jump on cable cars, clueless at where my next stop ought to be, relying on many strangers.

While I did talk to people, I was by myself mainly. I shopped alone, looked at sights alone, ate alone and sat by the steps of City Hall reflecting alone. Does it sound terribly depressing? Because I highly recommend it. It was an adventure of a lifetime. It was a magical time where doing all these thing by myself made me find myself – my authentic self.

When you don’t have your friends with you, when you’re not speaking the language you normally speak (Malaysian English), and when everything is unfamiliar even though you’ve seen it all on tv, it puts your head in a different place. It makes you go deep in yourself. You go into parts you don’t have to on regular days. You go into dormant parts that just unfurl its magic when you touch them.

When I felt myself becoming lonely and depressed from a lack of human contact, I found myself being reflective and changing the natural course of my thoughts. If my mind normally went in a straight trajectory, I brought it to a zig zag. I began to adjust to suit situations, to find my happy. Unknown to me that time, this training of mind did great things to my self.

I made myself find joy in things I wouldn’t normally get excited about. A good meal, being in a nice restaurant, the experience of just being in beautiful foreign US. I didn't realise it then, but I was tapping into my consciousness by being fully present. I was alone with no one to cheer me up, so I made myself 100% responsible for my happiness by changing my outlook. That shift I did consistently for just a few days made something go in my head. Something in my being shifted.

When you spend all that time intensely alone in a place so foreign, you suddenly become one with yourself. It’s hard to explain, except that you begin to access parts of your mind……….. your consciousness you never knew you had.

It was during my time in San Francisco that this calm and immense peace came over me. I can only explain it as an overwhelming peace, a very confident sureness in myself. Sitting on the steps of City Hall, where I felt it most profoundly, I knew with utter peace and sureness where I was going in my life and the decisions I would take. It’s a clarity I have never experienced in my life. It’s a clarity you experience with your BEING, not your mind. Your BEING. It’s a sureness that makes you want to cry.

I never knew I could cry at seeing something beautiful. I’m just not that type of girl. In the past, when I saw beautiful monuments in China, Russia and London, it was just “Oh wow, okay,” No big deal. But when I stood before the Golden Gate Bridge, with my head in a totally different space, I felt the sting of tears and a great happiness envelope me. I shocked myself at my immense emotion. I stood sometime at the bridge, refusing to move and just genuinely enjoying the wondrous sight. I felt as if I wasn’t on earth.

All of us have issues, questions and problems that sometimes cripple us. Before coming to US, I was wrestling with an issue that had been disturbing me off and on. I didn’t think about it during my holiday, but it was in US that I got the clearest answer on what to do with my situation, my life. If I may say, I got THE answer.

Scientists and great artists get their biggest breakthrough and inspiration when they aren’t thinking about their problem/ mind block. Creativity and ideas often come out of the blue, in the middle of a walk or when one is at peace or in a state of great consciousness. And that’s why over-thinkers tend to be un-creative. Not because they cannot, but because they overthink and create so much noise in their head. The intense running of thought cannot make you find your consciousness.

I realise now that what I experienced in San Fran was me coming in touch with my consciousness, my being, the area beyond my thoughts. I just finished reading “The Power of Now” by Eckhart Tolle where he explains these concepts in great length. He mentions that people often see slivers of consciousness after big losses – death of a loved one, separation and even prisoners on death row. It is why so many people post-events develop a calmness, a sureness, an inner sense of peace. It is why so many people report to have found themselves when alone. It was also when he was in exile that Niccolo Machiavelli wrote the highly discussed "The Prince," a work some consider the beginning of modern philosophy.

I believe that solo travel is an enabler to this consciousness. It may sound a little out-there, but I experienced something mindblowing with my SELF in San Francisco.

When you make a decision from your consciousness, it is a feeling you know is right, something you just know with utter sureness. It’s completely different from making a decision from your mind.

When I returned to Malaysia, it was like I was walking on clouds. I excitedly told Mama my new discoveries about my destiny and where I would be going in life. Maybe she thought I was a little crazy, but she listened encouragingly.

It was amazing how opportunities began to rain on me after my US trip, or rather, my transformation. Eckhart Tolle says that when you have your consciousness, you needn’t work very hard in making things work. I have to agree. I didn’t do much beyond walk around with a sureness, happiness and an imaginary halo atop my head. Suddenly clients were calling me, cheques were coming in and new projects manifested. I met new valuable contacts who could assist me for my business. I closed December wonderfully with a new high.

For that, I highly recommend solo travel to everyone who wants to find themselves. Of course, take the necessary precautions when travelling alone and always be safe and prepared.

Too often, very few of us do not know our authentic selves. Our default self has become shrouded on top of so many layers of prejudices, judgements and what our parents/ peers/ relatives/ industry think we should do.

When you find your consciousness, when you are one with your being, all those layers disappear and you discover the true you. Imagine knowing the REAL YOU! And there and then, you discover that peace and utter sureness. It’s a beautiful feeling.

I hope you experience it. The world is truly a better place when you emanate that peace and consciousness.

This article was written in 2016.