I Liked Someone Physically Unattractive

Sometimes you meet people that radically change your perspective.

I met a guy many wouldn't consider physically attractive by conventional standards. If a girlfriend asked for his photo, I would have to sift through 50 to find a good one. He didn't have the physical attributes society liked - good hair, good skin, body. But I found him immensely attractive.

From the first time we texted, the chemistry from my side was off the charts. His texts were full of sexual tension and I experienced an excitement I hadn't felt in a long time. A simple "What u doing" made me feel so seduced. It's crazy, but he had that effect on me.

On our first outing, Matt and me sat politely facing each other, just talking, zero physical contact. By the end of the night, I found myself inexplicably drawn to him. We said goodnight and parted. When I awoke the next morning, I cannot describe the feeling I have, except that it felt like mental intercourse had taken place. I was dangerously attracted. The feeling of intense want engulfed me and I sensed he felt the same way. Thus began our short chapter of texting, phone calling and coffee.

He started to look really handsome to me. I saw boyishness, I saw hotness. I would describe him then as "very attractive." The way he was was his best asset. It's so easy to like someone who knows himself and has his way of operating. Thoughts of him would consume me throughout the day and I had difficulty focusing on work.

I admit I've been a bit shallow in the past. I had a thing for cute guys and I always noticed a built body. This episode has severely disrupted my ecosystem-of-thoughts. We discover ourselves through the situations that happen to us. When we take action in our passions, the Universe/ God leads us to our answers. And that's how I met Matt. I was actively chasing my dreams when we had a chance encounter. Meeting him made me see what attracted me so primally in a man. Prior to meeting him, I had some silly criterias about men. Well suffice to say, he has debunked all of that for me and for the better.

While articles talk about character being more important than looks, and how men and women soothe each other with "It's not all about looks," I need to say this loud and clear. The attraction of looks pales in drastic comparison to the attraction of a very edgy character. The attraction from someone's edgy character has a lasting and more powerful grip compared to the attraction of looks.

My last boyfriend was rugged and handsome. He had a natural sulk and a bad boy thing going for him. I was intensely attracted to him, except that 3 months later, I had lost almost all attraction. (And I'm supposed to be the good girl in the duo of us) For all his good looking ways, I was bored. I found his character bland and a little too simple for my liking. Oh it sounds awful to say this, but it was the truth. Attraction and respect go hand in hand. How can attraction exist when respect does not persist? It simply cannot sustain. I learned this later on from life coach Matthew Hussey and he couldn't be more correct. There must be respect for attraction to thrive. I carried on with the relationship anyway, attempting to make it work but the damage was quite irreversible. We simply did not have enough in common.

Why was I so attracted to Matt? It wasn't because he was thoughtful, sensitive and nice. No. I liked these things and it made me happy when he was these to me. But it wasn't what got me so magnetically attracted and gasping for air. It was his way, his very essence of being him. I respected him tremendously. If he had been thoughtful and sensitive by itself without the character of him, I very much doubt I would have been drowning in attraction.

But edgy character + thoughtfulness and sensitivity = total lava eruption!!!

He had an easy confidence in himself, the way he thought, his opinions, his spontaneity, the fact that he was very good in what he did. The way he texted, the way he was so direct about liking me. When I let him read a Bahasa (Malay) article I wrote, he didn't gush about it. He said matter-of-factly, "There are many things that can be corrected about your Bahasa." Then he offered to be my editor for my next article. I recalled feeling extremely turned on by his request. I don't know if I was hit by a thunderbolt or just plain nuts at that point.

Let me make it clear though; being inconsiderate, insensitive, being flaky are not what make a character edgy or even remotely attractive. Women who want this kind of men or at least allow it for a period of time need to ask themselves why. If you love yourself, you wouldn't allow anyone to treat you badly. Easier said than done but it's as simple as that.

In short, I was attracted to Matt for his gruesomely unique character. The kind of character that deserves a story. There was an edge to it that I found so damn appealing. Who cares about the looks? I know I didn't. It felt like i was being sucked into a black hole. It's also pretty tiring to like someone that much actually. You're literally on drugs, waiting for your next hit. I probably lost weight, just from liking him.

I daresay that Matt was infatuated with me for the same reason - my character. Yes, he was generous and would compliment me on my looks but I'm pretty positive it was my buoyant character that got him hooked. He found my character, adventures and idiosyncrasies entertaining. I believe that strong attraction works on a spiritual level. It's two human beings tapping into each other's energies and thoughts. 

I've learned a great deal from this intense situation and its changed my perspective on men. Perhaps everyone should find out what makes them attracted to another human being on a primal level before deciding what works best for them. I'm not saying looks are not important, because it is; it plays a part in stoking passion. But looks are also less important to me now. My shallowness has been ripped off!

The Universe has shown me that an edgy character throws me off my axis. That nothing beats a beautiful mind and a dope conversation :)

This article was written in 2017.