Texting Ability and Why I Need It

Text: Ok

Kills me everytime.

"He's gotta have the ability to text," I replied. "He what?" Damian asked, head turned in interest. We were out for drinks on a Saturday night and conversation had shifted from the meaning of life to how many girls Damian could snag. He was every bit a Dorian Gray in a farcical kind of way and after a lengthy speech about his success in the dating world, he asked me what I liked in a man. I had no intentions of putting up a good front. "He's gotta be able to text."

I thought of my state of mind in the past. How my attraction withered and punctured with one worded and inspiring texts. How texting was considered weak and how men and women didn't buy into it. How texting should only be kept to logistics and the rest for conversation. Then I thought about the times when I went giddy with texts and how fulfilling (almost euphoric) that has always been for me, the person that I am. Texting is not for everyone, but for some of us, it sure is :)

My opinion about texting isn't too popular. It's often greeted by furrowed "hmmmmms" by many - men and women. Damian too professed to not liking to text. "I text only to arrange for plans and where to meet up." And that's fine, it's just not his thing. We're all different folks with different strokes. His answer probably makes up the majority of people who are notorious with "ok", "fine", "yes", "haha" and the thumbs up sign.
It's all good. Just not for me. In fact, I find one-worded texts a bit of a turn-off, just like my descriptive texting maybe a turn-off to non-texters. So let's empathize with each other.

Many are fine about a lack of texting ability and don't give too much thought on texting, but it's almost a make-or-break situation for me. I need varied texting vocabulary. What can I say, I'm a writer and am most comfortable with the written text. If a guy cannot text, I'm not kidding when I say it affects my feelings for him and the subsequent decision in the direction of the dating. When a girlfriend gives me an "ok" after my long paragraph of happy text, followed by "great" and the thumbs up sign................ I cannot help it. Thick thick irritation envelopes me. Thoughts of BORING come to mind. I end up looking at my phone in disbelief and throwing it aside. Yeah yeah I know that the infamous "ok" has its place in texting and oftentimes, that's all that's needed. But when a person can say something beyond okay - an opinion, a comeback, a something, it's just something I give a whole lot of credit to.

"What do you mean by ability to text?" Damian pried. He spoke well and in our previous texts, he had written long form and in good grammar. While I do notice things like that, texting ability is beyond that. It's the ability to express yourself via text and the ease in which you don't mind communicating via text. Perhaps because many people dislike writing, they get stuck at texting. I've met people who speak plenty in person, but constipate in text. Suddenly they are online on whatsapp for the longest time. He's not typing and all he can cough out is "ok" and the ever safe thumbs up sign. Arrrrrgghhhhhhhhhhh! Just drives me nuts.

Women have been portrayed as neurotic texters who go mad when a man replies a text late. But in truth, many women don't have texting ability too. Yes, women are less abrupt and more compassionate but texting ability isn't so much a gender thing as it is a character thing. Texting someone to ask, "Where are you?" ten times is not texting ability. That's possessiveness and insecurity. Many women do the "ok", "fine" just as much as men.

I do expect a certain texting ability with a man and my close friends. There has got to be more than basic communication in my texting world. And it's not ridiculous for me to expect it. A non-texter does not have to get with me. A person who doesn't elaborate in his texts would probably find me too wordy.

Once someone commented "You don't expect me to type 3-4 lines if I tell you I'm having dinner right?" Okay I had to laugh. In his quest to text longer for me, he ended up telling me the details of the bread he was eating and how he was eating with butter and jam. That was so sweet but I think it just wasn't in him to text, and errrr, not exactly what I meant by texting ability. I couldn't make someone do something like that. And so, we both faded off. Honestly it was texting ability that separated us. Is it unreasonable? It sounds petty and stupid, but I also don't like the feeling of looking at my phone and seeing a one-worded reply. I hated the feeling of "ohhhhh" each time I saw an uninspiring text. Too banal too everyday. Let's just spare each other the grief.

I would associate texting with being comfortable with words. In short, some ability to write. When a man/ woman is so uncomfortable with the written word that they need to call each time, it's just a little unrattling for me. Writing is an introvert quality that involves thought and reflectiveness. I daresay that those who cannot text, at the bottom of it, lack some patience and have a restless spirit. That may be evident in highly dynamic people/ entrepreneurs. These people think so fast, they rather speak and move on. There's an aggressive quality there that far surpasses the more sensitive act of texting. I'd do my best to adjust to a person like this. But then, there are also those who have very simple matter-of-fact thoughts and are just a little bit boring. Is it so hard to cough out a text? Why so blank about writing a sentence? Thought comes before speaking. Thought comes before texting. So why not? I suppose I cannot understand it. With writing, one can articulate one's thoughts and if one cannot text at all, am I to assume that one has very little thoughts? That one is basically a person who just doesn't enjoy thinking very much?

Of course, texting cannot be excessive. It's got to be balanced with actual conversation. But for me, it's 2 parts that are equally important. Despite what a lot of relationship books and articles say about texting, (which is mainly negative by the way), no article has represented how I feel about texting. There's just a category of people for whom texting is important and while relegating texting to just logistics makes sense, it remains very unfulfilling for me. People like me don't want to talk all the time. A phone conversation can be overwhelming for us, sometimes we just wanna write a text and banter for a bit. That's all. I don't need long drawn hour-long texts. A good texting exchange can make me really happy and my quota's done for the day.

Texting reveals layers of that person in a more intimate way. It doesn't lie. I met a guy who in persona seemed confident and comfortable. But when we first texted, I noticed a vastly different texting voice. It was a bit of a mismatch that I couldn't reconcile. He was attractive in person but highly unattractive in texts. He looked so put together in person but it never translated on text. It was hard to be attracted to him via text. He just always sounded slightly unconfident in text, almost appeasing. As I got to know him, it soon became clear, that he had many insecurities about his background and had dyslexia. My texting radar was not wrong here.

And then, there is texting chemistry. Ah texting chemistry. The conversation is easy to move and the replies resonate with something deep within your core. I believe that chemistry is 2 energies/ brain waves (whatever you want to call it) moving in a similar way. Meshing as Jason Silva of Shots of Awe likes to call it. It's almost like a sign from the great Universe, pointing you to people who should be part of your life. Whether for a reason or for a season, that's a different story, but texting chemistry is something I take seriously; very very seriously. Nope, it's not his background or how he looks, it's texting chemistry for me. It's not for everyone and may not be the wisest thing, but it's my thing. It's not easy to find someone with texting chemistry, so when I do find someone like that, hahaha you better bet I'm holding on tight to him or her :)

Maybe above all. The reason why texting is so important to me is because I derive so much pleasure from it. A good texting exchange gives me so much pheromones. I can stare at good texts and revel in the feeling. But hey, I derive immense pleasure from a good conversation too. I can do both - text and actual conversation. Maybe that's what I'm after. Conversation. How do I explain it? For men it's sex. For me it's conversation. Both are connecting points for both. Why do I have to make do with just one?

So yeah, he's definitely gotta be able to text :D

This article was written in 2017.