The Inability To Be Honest With Our Tribe

“So what if that country has a great civilization? Look at its people,” my friend Ralph said. I was slightly taken aback, yet having been trained recently to stymie emotion and remain open to an undesirable viewpoint, I prodded Ralph. He went on to name a few recent incidences in where an ignorant countryman had committed a crime toward an animal besides the general disorganization of the country.

After which Ralph went on to name several achievements of China and how we as its people had reason to be proud. He made some general points that I nodded too but I also realized that Ralph was clearly biased towards his race. It is human nature to be ethnocentric, and henceforth why, racism and race supremacy as its offspring. I say it not in a depressive way, for while racism seems to have taken on an uglier tone off late, the levels of racism has significantly improved over the decades. To think kindly of one’s own race and less favourably of another is very much wired into the human condition.

My friend had proudly named the merits of China, ignoring of course the various unsavoury conditions that could just as easily been named. It was no surprise that he would justify the less favourable aspects of China, as he would exaggerate the negatives of another country. Not many people can objectively see the flaws of their people especially when a contending country shares the boxing ring of a touchy issue. Facebook is a prime example of watching human behaviour.

In the height of the Covid-19 pandemic, most of my Chinese friends shared articles on Facebook supporting China against America. To be fair, Trump had gone on a Tweeting rampage, making it easy for China to be painted the innocent victim. American politics was at its reality-tv worthiest at that moment. It wasn’t surprising that not a single one of my friends questioned that China had a responsibility to bear for this worldwide pandemic. A point which I believed was stark, obvious and reasonable. But no. Arguments were made about how the virus strain came from Europe, America and how Wuhan the epicenter was blameless. Posts on China assisting badly-affected countries like Italy made its Facebook rounds and praise was heaped on the reticent China, nevermind the fact that Beijing chose a 17-day train route to send Chinese supplies to a desperate Italy when flight transportation would have arrived much sooner. It was America the bully making all the noise and China the big-hearted silent do-gooder.

I watched all this with a cocked eyebrow. Much as I share some pride in sharing the ethnicity of the rising superpower China, I couldn’t help but shake my head. Since when was China a proactive ally in helping other countries? Well I believe that role has been US, one that has also caused it much chastise. Hasn’t China been for the most part benign and non-interfering? Why now? I praise China for its aid to some 82 countries during the Covid-19 pandemic, but surely we know this is for public relations and perhaps, some guilt?  Had it not been China where the Covid-19 outbreak started, the posts and whatsapp messages of my Chinese friends may very well be different. Let’s say the pandemic started in Texas, US or Ghana, Africa. The reaction of my Chinese friends may be less charitable.

I say all this objectively as a person who has sentimental Piscean feelings for the country her ancestors come from. I am aware of China’s history, it’s greatness, it’s ugliness and its trajectory. I cannot help but feel some degree of kinship for a country that produced people who look like me. I will very well take the side of China when it is required, but perhaps, because I do not speak the Mandarin language fluently (it is a distant third language of mine), and consume only Western media, it is easier for me to be objective with China. Should I be in Ralph’s position, where I speak Mandarin everyday and think in the mindset that comes from speaking that language, I would probably adopt his view as well.

Most of us prefer to suspend truths in the face of tribalism and religion.  We become subjective in interpreting history to reinforce our preferred beliefs. We want to be the winning, blameless tribe, nevermind that nature has in its intelligent design taken care to supply us with a mixed bag of positive and negative traits that works out to holistically cover the human experience. In this obsession to defend ourselves, we fail to see things as they are.

We’re so Convicted, We’re Blind

The inability to see when you are wrong is a flaw that has hindered my country. Each race stubbornly proclaiming their stand with neither one backing down. Each race claims to have been the bigger person, while the other takes and takes. The Chinese perspective will always carry the Chinese narrative, the Malay perspective will always carry the Malay narrative and similarly for the Indians. And howforth can the twain meet?

In the recent American riots following the death of George Floyd, I discovered a writer and Columbia University student named Coleman Hughes. I admit to reading the news with a disapproving furrow.  I found it hard to agree with my friends who actively supported Black Lives Matter even though racism has been a passionate topic of mine. Let me just tangent off for a moment to say that I founded a school program called SchoolHeroes because I felt strongly about the uncomfortable levels of racism in my country. Equality and a post-racial society has been a Utopian dream of mine, though lately I find that dream fizzling. Yet, for all my lofty ideals about multiculturalism, the ugly reactions and the prostrating by white celebrities began to irritate me. Something didn’t sit right.

I found Coleman a breath of fresh air. He is highly intelligent, well read and ruled by razor-sharp logic and truth. His demeanor is measured, thoughtful and speaks of someone conflict-averse. I imagine it wasn’t easy for him to write his essays in where he constructively criticized black culture, a culture that is particularly possessive about its blackness. Hughes has stated that race is not a particular interest of his; science and philosophy being his bigger passions. Yet his speaking up has almost been a duty-call, for so much about race out there “doesn’t make sense,” as he says. I admire that he actively participates in society when the backlash isn’t pleasant.

While Hughes’ intention was only to help his people, the reaction to hard truths have been far from warm and fuzzy. The cultural power among blacks are undisputable, for many blacks (much less whites) who hold a contrarian black perspective have not had the courage to speak up for fear of the public vitriol that comes after. Celebrities like Oprah Winfrey and Beyonce are examples who prefer to stick to the mass narrative because the alternative means losing millions of fans. Kanye West was denounced as not black enough by leading African American journalist Ta-Nehisi Coates in his essay “I’m not Black, I’m Kanye,” when the rapper openly voiced support for President Trump and made flippant comments about slavery. The other few academicians and activists who do speak the difficult truth besides Coleman – John McWhorter, Glen Loury, Jason Riley, Candace Owens have had to deal with manure heaped on them besides being labelled an Uncle Tom or coon.

I wish there were more Malays, Chinese and Indians who could be like Hughes. If we were all honest, there are things that each of our race has done collectively to bring about the disunity and festering racism in our country. We are in vehement agreement that race politics is a tried and tested tool by our corrupt and power-hungry politicians. But then? What are we doing to move on? Because while we know the divide is initiated by politicians, we continue to stomp and shout within the created terrain. We’re still canoodling within our own circles, falling back to our respective race rhetoric. We’re so comfortable in being frustrated that we never take the time to see things from the viewpoint of the assailed party.

When I speak to a Malay and a Chinese-speaking-Chinese separately on the matter of the country’s race problem, the reaction is the same. Both are just as vindicated in their stands and viewpoints. There is no backing down, there is no effort to empathize with the other party’s pain or frustration. Sometimes I walk away from the Chinese-speaking-Chinese feeling more frustrated, because I as a Chinese have been unable to pacify or convince them.  The problem with coming from a 4000-year-old civilization on a trajectory to world domination is that it gives a sort of narrow viewpoint which they accuse the Malay of. That just because you’re a little higher on the economic totem poll gives you veto power to being right in all matters. That kind of thinking has no place in a multicultural society. Chinese are quick to shake their heads at every misdemeanor committed by the Malay, bringing up their incompetence or religion. Can we blame the Malay for being angry and sensitive? I can’t.

The Pygmalion effect is the phenomenon which occurs when the expectations of a certain person affects the target person’s performance. High expectations lead to better performance while low expectations lead to worse. While this idea has been disputed by some, I have mostly found it to be true in classrooms. A teacher who thinks well of a student tends to see more enthusiasm and better work from her student. A student who knows his teacher thinks poorly of him may have a mental block and a lack of motivation in surpassing expectations.  Similarly in a racial situation, the Malay who knows he is thought off as lazy has come in at a disadvantage. Not only does he have to work doubly hard to prove his detractors wrong, he is saddled with a mental burden which can often hinder him. Perhaps the Chinese can attempt to understand what is it like to be thought off negatively at every first encounter. Knowing people are labeling you lazy is highly demoralizing. While stereotypes exist, you owe it to every human to treat him based on his traits and merits. You would want the same thing for yourself, for your loved ones.

In a highly-charged environment where race is foremost in a person’s mind, me speaking to a Malay on unity may be a nuclear reactor waiting to detonate. To change their minds from the mentality of “hosts” and the other races as “immigrants” is a problem I have no solution too as yet. In the last decade, the talk on race supremacy among Malays have only heightened. I’ve noticed how Malays have come to address Malaysia as Malaya and increased the usage of the word “Tanah Melayu” (Malay Land). I can only deduce this is pushback stemming from anger and a lack of respect they perceive from the Chinese.  While it is easy to be angry when a troll types “Balik Cina, Balik India” (Go back to China, India), perhaps what would be more productive is to ask why they feel the need to say it in the first place. Have we perhaps hurt their feelings? Disrespected them and made them feel pride-less in a land which was inhabited by their ancestors?

Overly liberal behavior and judging Malay ways have affected race relations. To be Malay now means to think a certain way and carry a specific ideology. Anything deviating from that is an act of disloyalty. Post trends on Facebook have indicated patterns of religious conservatism, shaming of those who fall out of the norm and God being the epicenter of every issue in life. It almost seems as if life here is losing significance as the loudness of after-life awaits.  There seems to be more anger that appears to be reactionary, one that I think we Chinese have had something to do with.

I have come to the conclusion that the argument between the Chinese and Malay is pointless, because both are quarreling over different things. The Chinese doesn’t understand how the Malay feels and the Malay doesn’t understand how the Chinese feels, therefore points and counter-arguments fall on deaf ears. While quarrels exist with the Indians, I mention the Malay and Chinese because the hostility is at its peak here.

I give the analogy of a husband and wife who quarrel over the husband’s inability to make conversation with his wife. The husband is flabbergasted, insisting that he provides the homes, pays for everything and brings her for vacations. What more could she want? How could she possibly feel unloved? The wife who longs for tender talk with her husband feels unconnected with the small talk and grunts he makes while reading on the bed. The house and the holidays mean little to the wife without deep conversations. She needs it to feel loved. The husband needs to understand that conversation with his wife is what will keep her smiling brightly. To dismiss her as petty or emotional is an arbitrary way of saying “Your way of thinking is wrong, mine is correct.”

On the other hand, the wife must realise her man’s way of showing love comes in the form of his physical offerings – the house, the car, the bills. Her voluntary praise on his money-making prowess will surely earn her husband more encouragement to please her.

Now this simplified analogy is not meant to make fun of race relations, but it does illustrate the inability of two races to truly understand the other. This was clear when I had supper with a friend of mine, a fiercely-proud Malay. He gave me views on why the Malays disliked the recently overthrown government Pakatan Harapan. Call me naïve but I was surprised to hear his views. These were views we Chinese dismissed and didn’t consider important. And when I told him what riled us Chinese so much, it was evident it didn’t register on him. He didn’t realise the depth of injury of how certain issues made the Chinese feel. This is a perfect example of how both races don’t understand each other, simply because we’re not having civil conversations with the sincere will to understand. The conversations the races are having are hideous name-calling, one-sided narratives and racist slander on social media. I post this to upset you. You post that to upset me. Or when we do sit down with our other-raced friends, we do our best to avoid sensitive topics. Anyone in a romantic relationship can vouch for how terribly effective avoidance is as a strategy. NOT!!!

There is Nothing Without Understanding

In saying so, I understand many issues and hurts felt by the Malays and it remains, that nothing is unsolvable if we have cool heads and a mutual desire to understand and fulfill each other. Peace for the sake of peace is pointless. Bubbling and brewing anger eventually gets out into something ten times the magnitude. Just the other day I had lunch with 2 Chinese friends. In past conversations, their conversation has been typically ethnocentric with little willingness to understand another race’s view. I had come armed with the intention of opening up their minds, if only a millimeter-wide. I pointed how life in Malaysia was a joy compared to places like Hong Kong and China, and how a friend’s Malay plumber charged a fifth of what my Chinese plumber did. They smiled and the conversation turned into how lovely the Malays were. This kind of talk is very possible if everyone just took the position of being objective and……. Lest I sound like a broken record, try to see things from the other person’s point of view. I know it is a tiny win, but it is a start nevertheless that needs more comrades.

This starts with us being honest with ourselves. The Chinese have always been known for being hardworking and intelligent, a stereotype that has given us Chinese privilege. I daresay in Malaysia, it has led to some arrogance which further exacerbates when the Chinese places at the helm of economy. The traits prized in a typical Chinese are often being overly practical (to the point of being boring at times), and this can lead to dismissing traits and skills that may not immediately seem economically rewarding. Yes, our ancestors passed on hardworking genes to us, and poverty in old China encouraged diligence. But then? Are we to look down on anyone who aren’t like us? Are we to judge people who don’t have our priorities?

Isn’t the world a mixed bag? Can the effortlessly cool African American label the Chinese as uncool and unmusical because they dominate music and dance? Can they make fun of the Chinese man who is almost always smaller and less muscular compared to the Black male? They could. But they could also say “Hey, what you have is awesome! If you need a tip on dance, here’s how. And meanwhile, maybe you can teach me something I don’t know.” Is not the feeling that comes out of such encouragement so much more uplifting? Isn’t the outcome so much more positive? Turn it around. Couldn’t we do the same to others?

I watched a podcast recently in where American political activist Candace Owens talked about truth versus goodness. While her name may set alarm bells among many, that doesn’t mean what she says doesn’t make sense. You may not like or agree with everything she says, but there are truth in her words.  Many people have goals of goodness for their country and race; and they spout the right words and campaign to bring about their ideals. I see a lot of this among younger people who use art and social media to spread love and peace. While laudable, the goals to goodness can often blind one to faults, to ignore facts and to cherry-pick arguments that justify the end.

Instead of ethnocentrism, we should be more interested in the truth, however uncomfortable it is. It is the truth that will bring to better policies and more productive lives. It is the truth which will lead you to be more comfortable with yourself.

I have often found that truths cannot be suppressed. A besmeared character may suffer the indignities of taunts and ugly perceptions, but the truth almost always comes out. The journey to truth is often a better and more meaningful one that inadvertently leads to a happier life.

Can we stand it for a moment to stand in the shoes of our brothers and sisters of this country? Can we be honest with ourselves? Can we seek the truth as opposed to the “goodness” of our race?

For as the oft quoted adage goes, the truth indeed will set you free.